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I fucking just lost it today. The squid was screamning and whining… - Because being a mama is always hard, but for some of us it's even harder [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Nov. 19th, 2004|06:06 pm]


[My kid dictates my mood and right now it's... |bitchybitchy]

I fucking just lost it today. The squid was screamning and whining for about an hour straight, he stopped when I finally just put my hand over his mouth and yelled at him to shut the fuck up. I don't know how long I can take this for. EJ's crying in the car and he just won't shut his mouth. I do at least six loads of laundry a day, load and unload the fucking dishwasher, make the bed, clean the bathroom, chase after a three year old kid, feed and take care of a five day old, and cook and clean up dinner. Then I have to listen to Brandon fucking bitch about how fucking tired he is. My whole fucking body aches, but he doesn't even have the brains to take the fucking trash out for me. I have the headache from hell, I keep having to take Elisabeth into the doctors to check her billirubin levels, run to the post office, do the grocery shopping, handle all the Christmas cards, presents and birth announcements, and generally run all the errands. Nap while the baby naps? WTF?? How the hell can I do that when all I do is work? I'm so fucking tempted to just say fuck it all and go back to work full-time just so I don't have to deal with the kids or Brandon's high and fucking mighty "I've been working all day" attitude. I do just as much as he does. Not to mention that I keep having to FORCE food down my throat, I have NO fucking energy, and my boobs are bigger than my fucking head and hurt like fucking hell. And then he keeps making little comments about wanting sex. WHAT PART OF SIX WEEKS DO YOU NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOU GODDAMN DOUCHEBAG????
Right now Topher's zoned out on the couch watching TV (yeah... mother of the year award over here....) and Bette is still sitting in her carseat. I can't function anymore. I don't think it's PPD, but I can see it developing into it... Sorry for the long rambly rant... I just had to get it all out and couldn't do so in my own journal.

Love to you all, hope you're doing better than I.

From: ex_dervish821
2004-11-20 02:29 am (UTC)
I have SO BEEN THERE. I think many of us have. For about 3 months, I thought I wouldn't be able to handle having 2 kids. Now, almost a year into it, things run smoothly most of the time. At least when the hubby's out of town they do.
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[User Picture]From: __mouse__
2004-11-20 09:22 am (UTC)
Why IS it that it's better when they're gone?
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[User Picture]From: pickleboot
2004-11-20 02:48 am (UTC)
hugs. i thought i was going to kill dh the first three months of having 2 kids.

vent away. you need to. i wish i had known about things like this when i needed it then......
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[User Picture]From: __mouse__
2004-11-20 09:22 am (UTC)
I'm thankful for it too.
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From: mavis_adbieri
2004-11-20 03:48 am (UTC)
We all need a lot more help than we get. I hope things smooth out for you. I was a wreck with just a baby and a toddler, let alone three.
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[User Picture]From: __mouse__
2004-11-20 09:21 am (UTC)
Oh no, it's not three toddlers, fuck, I'd have left by now, it's ONE three year old... which might be almost as bad...
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[User Picture]From: cornflakegirl
2004-11-20 05:05 am (UTC)
omg mama. i'm so mad at brandon for you. he needs to help more even if he works and you need rest. i'm right there myself, except i've been forcing my self to rest some while letting things go to shit around the house and then feeling bad cause it's not all done. i almost cry every time i hear Lee mention he's really tired even though he has been sorta understanding and watches Kaitlyn more than he has ever before (which wasn't much in the past) i'm just so exhausted and vulnerable feeling it's not even funny. oh and the sex thing pisses me off so much, he hasn't mentioned wanting it yet although i know he dose but he was wanting it all the time before the baby was born becuase "he wouldn't get any for a while" jeeeez you have hands dude.
my oldest is driving me up a wall too but i won't get into that here.
any way i really hope you can get some help with stuff around the house and get some well deserved rest. take care of yourself things will get better. (hugs)
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[User Picture]From: __mouse__
2004-11-20 09:26 am (UTC)
Thanks Laura. I hope Lee pulls his head out of his ass as well.
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[User Picture]From: katttg
2004-11-20 01:45 pm (UTC)
I wish I lived near you and could come tell him to get his head out of his ass, and take the kids from you for a while.
In the mean time, are there any gms, or someone you can call to come and sit with the kids for 30 min?

When my mom was in this situation (a three year old and a new born), she hired one of the 13 year old neighbor kids to come over and play with me in the late afternoon/early evening. She paid them like, 3-4 dollars an hour and fed them dinner, and said it was worth every penny. Could you find someone still in highskool (aka, someone who won't charge you a ton) to come and watch the kids around dinner time, so you can get 20 minits to yourself?
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[User Picture]From: falsifier
2004-11-20 04:40 pm (UTC)
i wish i lived closer mama, and could come help, or yell at brandon, which would probalbly help too.

you have all my love and if you ever need to talk, you know how to reach me,

all my love
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