Log in

excerpts from "99 ways to drive your child sane" - Because being a mama is always hard, but for some of us it's even harder [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

excerpts from "99 ways to drive your child sane" [Dec. 2nd, 2004|07:45 pm]


[My kid dictates my mood and right now it's... |blahblah]

i thought all the badmoms could use these for their badkids...

Get a magic wand (could be a duster, ruler, whatever you've got) and tap the child gently on his head throughout the day, turning him into various things, i.e. you're a frog, you're a footstool, you're a fountain [good for spitters!]. Use the items you trn him into to interact with him. He could be your footstool or jump to the kitchen like a frog.

This one is good for the child who likes to babble and chatter incessantly. Start watching the path of an imaginary fly going around the room. Watch it land somewhere, sneak up on it and swat it. If you can pull it off, sneak up, pretend to catch it and pop it in your mouth. Move your tongue around the inside of your cheek like the fly is trying to get out then let it loose and start over and/or turn to the child and say, "I'm sorry, were you saying something?"

A lot of kids have trouble asking the adult for what they need. Instead, they will come up and make a statement or complaint. This can be handled several fun ways: The child is supposed to carry his laundry basket to his room. He says, "This is heavy." Some of your responses could be: 1) You pick it up and overexaggerate how heavy it is, put it back down and say, "You're right. That IS heavy!" 2) You
pick up the basket which is really light and put it on your head or shoulders, turn around in a circle, and sing, "He's not heavy, he's my brother." 3) Say, "No, it's a laundry basket, not a heavy. A heavy is more of a greenish color and has five legs."

For a kid who likes to argue. Tell him you don't have time to argue right now, but you'll make it an appoinment. Write a day and time in your calendar and then keep the appointment. If he doesn't want to argue at the appointed time, argue that of course he wants to argue and you will immediately get an argumentative kid in an argument. Keep it short and end it with a cheerful, "Thanks for the argument,
let's do it again sometime."

Cut out little green footprints from paper and tape them to the floor in the kid's room while he's at school, or at night. Make it look like they walked over to things in the room and turned those things upside down. It's a leprechaun attack! My leprechauns usually hang candy on strings from the ceiling, too.

For a kid who always has to go to the bathroom as soon as you walk in a store and/or who does lots of holding himself and jumping around while announcing he has to go, yell out, "Everybody pee dance," and create your own pee dance. This can be lots of fun, especially in public places.

Stupid job practice: For a kid who complains that he doesn't want to do that "stupid" job. Tell him, "No, honey, that's not a stupid job, THIS is a stupid job." Then give a useless job like pulling strings out of a carpet square or dusting photo album pages or washing chain link fence or sweeping off landscaping rocks.

For kids that pee in their rooms-- Sprinkle peas around the room at night or while the child is gone. When the child is awake or home you discover the peas, get a bowl to collect them and show your delight over the child growing peas by peeing. "I knew this would happen someday! If you just peed enough, peas were sure to grow." Make sure you have peas (clean ones, please!) that night for dinner.

Tape newspaper over the doorframe of the child's room at night so when he gets up and opens the door there is a wall of newspaper to greet him.

For kids who are having trouble being their chronological age, give them chances throughout the day to be younger ages. "Go sweep the floor like a 3 year old would","Now, go sweep the floor like an 11 year old would." "Say that like a 2 year old would... now say it like a 10 year old would."

For mumblers, start swatting at the air around you, saying, "Help! Mumble bees are attacking, don't let them get me!" You can really exaggerate this and run away screeching and swatting.

[User Picture]From: kokobean
2005-04-12 12:38 am (UTC)
so funny!
(Reply) (Thread)
From: cherandy
2005-08-14 02:31 am (UTC)
I am SO using #28!!! HAHAHAHA! Thank you. :)
(Reply) (Thread)